Adventures in Cwmfforest

I'm talking to the Taxi Driver at Abergavveny station. He looks like a fatter version of Robert de Niro. This trip could be fun. 

"I need to get to this place close to Brecon bunkhouse. I have no idea how to pronounce this though." I say and hand him my phone. 

"That's google." He says. Taking time to pronounce the ohs. "Its not really a word, is it?" He adds and smiles at me like he understands. Its kind of like the smile me mum gives me while she's wondering how I'll make it in the real world. 

Before I can be taken aback by how retarded he needs to be to assume an English speaking Indian in the UK with a smartphone would not know about google my politeness kicks in. I tell him I mean the word below google. 

"Oh, that's Cwmfforest." He says not being helpful at all. 

"Cumforest? " 

" No. Cwmfforest." 

"Cummforest?" I emphasize the mmmm and don't even try to not laugh. If I don't know about google its surely excusable I don't know about cum. 

After a long silent ride the taxi driver tells me is only 10 minutes to the fforest. Thing is I'm not a bad guy. So I need to accept this olive branch. I already have a few jokes ready for taxi drivers. Like is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me? Or when the meter is about to hit 30 tell them I have treskaidecaphobia. And then wait for them to correct me. But I decide to be more sociable. So I ask him something I've been meaning to ask a taxi driver all along. If they really eat the taxi driver burger at GBK. So I ask him 

"Have you been to the Gourmet burger kitchen? "

"Why would you do that?" 

This is turning out to be like a first date but thankfully we are already in cumforest. (Which sadly is not like my usual first dates).

The Real Purpose

I might as well come to the real purpose of my trip. This is under appreciated but a man needs to be ready for anything. Over time I've realised a lot of people look to me for support and guidance. And I'd like to be there for them. Especially in case of an alien-zombie attack. This might sound far fetched and it really is. However, I took the pains to scavenge and map out cummfforrest for its alien-zombie attack survivability and so I'll detail it below.

Life might be fun right now but an Alien Zombie attack is never far away

First thing you need in case of a AZ attack is a man or woman who can maintain clarity of thought in those troubling times. And I met old Mike who runs the stable and bnb in Cwmfforest. Mike is the guy who'll have no issues calling a spade a spade when zombie shit hits the proverbial alien fan. He's not the guy who'll squirm because the zombie was some time ago a neighbour or friend. He'll give you a loaded shotgun and say, " go after them son. Today we celebrate our independence day." That might sound bullshit right now but that's what you need to hear heading into that darkness. Clarity.

The second thing you need is a transport medium that has a good field of view and ability to go over rough terrain. This is where Mike is also your man.

At the right angle his tractor's front end loader is a comfortable seat with amazing armor protection and view.

The right angle for the front end loader

Clear view on both sides to be able to use your shotgun

Quiet Happiness in the loader. One that can only come from knowing you can handle any Alien Zombie attack

Of course there might be no fuel left which implies no mechanical transport. In which case food and water are going to be in tight supply too. But Mike has horses. Which solves two of the problems. What's left is fresh water and Wales has enough of that. Get to a high enough vantage point to locate water and locate those Alien-Zombies to track out a path.

Although this is a good photo, its the wrong way to scope for fresh water. Both horse and rider are looking in the same direction, leaving the off side open to an AZ attack

Both sides covered. Good job, warrior.

Having sorted out my hideout and way to supplies, I was  a rested man. But not for long. I realized Alien-Zombiness can spread quickly to animals as well.

Wales has 4 sheep for every human being. If the AZness spreads, they could be your worst enemy.

Also cows. Worst known Zombies. They so slow you'd never know when they've turned Zombie.

Also your own horse could be a Zombie. Which is fine.

Just ensure, there is someone else in front. Also try to be really light on your horse, so he doesn't know you're on it. (he's a Zombie, so by definition not very clever.) Let me know if that doesn't work. LOLS.

Lastly always make time for a beautiful sunset. It'll make fighting Zombies worth living for.